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  • Writer's pictureMiMi

February 7, 2024 ~ Onward and Forward

Good morning! So... after another full day of work and opportunity to think about the feedback I've received for my book so far, I'm thinking about moving onward and forward with it, with changes.


I can mention that I don't hate my old girlfriend after what she did regarding my charging on a company credit card, without changing everything about it. The section is my truth. Figuring out who I feel should be on my team was really, really hard. Making the decision to end that friendship was not easy by any means but I don't regret it.


She also chose to be friends with a woman who just a few weeks ago told me her husband "f'ing hates me" in a text. One little bump in the road and the whole truth came out. It was right under the surface. I'm glad it did.


I was right to end more than one friendship in 2022.


A side note: I tried reaching out to my old boss a couple of days ago and offered to reimburse him for charges on a card for a LinkedIn account, which are probably what were most upsetting to him back in the day. $99/mth adds up. He wanted me to use LinkedIn for my job, we just hadn't talked about the expense (yet). He told me not to worry about it. My move to do that had to do with feedback from my book. If someone really felt like I did so wrong, I could try to fix it.


(I still pay for the LinkedIn account now, with my personal money. It's really important for work)


I can speak a little about fear in an entirely new section, which is really sad. Fear of individuals who experience psychosis. It's really, really sad.


I can change up who's on my team a bit and perhaps should.


I took out the part about being promiscuous as a teenager, though it may be re-inserted elsewhere. No, I'm not ashamed of it. I was a kid. I'm not ashamed really, of much. Life has been tough! And I have survived! I imagine this is upsetting for some to read though.


I can update the section on alcohol to tell a little more about my struggles. I already mention I struggle with it. But I can dive in a little more and talk about how I don't believe I'm not living a full satisfying life in recovery because of it. There are reasons I do what I do which include some healthy ones, being social and getting out of the house. Feeling like myself. I think staying home alone, depressed, could be worse. Boredom is not healthy for me either.


I may stop drinking someday soon again. I don't think what I have to share is not valuable because of it. Though I can see how some may feel that way. There is a way this truth can be worded, honestly, in the book too.


The truth is, there are ALOT of people out there with challenges like mine who also struggle with alcohol. They deserve hopeful messages from this world too. And to know that they are not alone. And to be given reasons to keep going. And to be respected, despite still having struggles.


The whole point is that I am living a full, self directed life, in recovery, despite challenges, and I am! I want others to know that whatever they feel they need to do to be healthy, do it! And that being in recovery doesn't mean there aren't still struggles.


I believe I am doing the best I can and that is pretty good.


The only time I've felt unwell recently, actually, WAS a short time yesterday afternoon and I thought, it has more to do with thinking about others seeing me as unwell because of what I wrote in my book. The thought of it, that has really been making me sick. Sad. I took a nap and felt better, but for a short time my head hurt. I need to just keep moving forward. I havent felt that way in a long, long time.


Whatever. Maybe I won't publish. But I'm still thinking about it.


Last night I had an incredible meal and conversation at a 5 Star restaurant in Newport News, Schlesinger's. A cheese board, salad, broccoli and a ribeye steak, Pittsburgh style. I met a regional manager from one of the multifamily properties I've been working with now there. He sees me as a project of some sort, someone to motivate to reach higher in life. Conversation went to looking into better paying business development jobs. He was inspiring! He is a Christian too. A very interesting man.


When I returned to Richmond I visited with friends. The main topic, per usual, dating. My friends like to talk a lot about helping me to find a man. Last night, the conversation drifted a couple of times to where I've been meeting them, the fact that I could try dating apps or church instead. Perhaps. But I'm okay being on my own. I always tell them they're more worried about my relationship status than I am.


Instead of trying to find a man right now I think I want to focus on getting through this winter to the nice weather around the corner! And on my job. And, maybe on finding a better one. And, maybe on getting healthier (in a gym!).


Meds/vitamins. Dogs. Coffee. Facebook good morning. News. Need to plan my workday.


Today I need to pick up flea meds for the dogs. They're itchy! The poor guys. Maybe go by and see the kids. Pool tonight.

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