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  • Writer's pictureMiMi

January 18, 2024 ~ Bat-Shit Crazy

Updated: Jan 19

Yesterday was a good workday and an interesting evening playing pool. Work, made 10 stops and nailed a couple more leads. It's a big week for leads for me. Pool, I played and lost in 9-ball but I didn't play poorly. I barely lost.

Last night was interesting because I learned that my son's father was talking to the owner of the bar where we played last night, last week. His goal was to inquire whether or not I played league out of there because, he's considering joining the league. Said he didn't want to play out of the same venue. In the process, he felt the need to share with Shawn that I'm bat-shit crazy. As evidence, he shared intimate details with Shawn of my behavior during our breakup, 23 years ago? Told him about going fishing and coming home to me having left him with our son.

During the time that we lived together, our son's first year, he worked three or four days a week and fished the remaining. Yes. I used to get upset with him for it. He was never home with us. The final straw, he stayed out all night partying with his family at the river, not even calling to tell me he wasn't coming home.

Anyway, I'm having trouble understanding how some of what was said was brought up. We were kids. It has nothing to do with today.

And to say, "Do you know she's bat-shit crazy?" ??

Shawn knows all about my challenges. We're friends. His chosen response was, "Arent we all?"

Shawn told me about it last night and how he felt about it. Said it's not much of a person who would draw conclusions about someone's character based on the word of others.

I just may end up on the back of his bike in the spring. A true friend he has proven himself to be.

An added bonus to discovering the true friend I have in him, what I learned prompted me to disclose to a couple of my team members. The captain and his husband. I feel really good about it. Another teammate is a friend who already knows about my health challenges and checked in on me during my last crisis, in 2022.

I wrapped it up with sharing with Shawn when he came by our table how much his response meant to me in front of my team. It is now all in the open and I feel really good about it.

Sadly, I'm reminded of the nasty texts I received a few weeks back from two women, related. All kinds of old things came up. I was blamed for some really terrible things. I'm trying to understand how some of my actions in the past were perceived. I was accused of neglecting Kalob when he was a child. I'd never been accused of that before. It's strange to me to think there are people in this world that feel that way about me. People only know what they know (what they were told) though and draw their own conclusions.

I know that I've been accused of both extremes now, spoiling, and neglecting him, from the same household.

It's challenging to write about the past and keep privacy concerns in mind.

I know I can say that I wish the medication I'm on now were available in those days. My ability to process thoughts and problem solve now, is day and night in comparison. Perhaps a lot of the stress that was caused by our custody issues could have been alleviated. I was always so emotional. No doubt it would have all been diffferent, which means better. Perhaps, I would have had the strength of mind to retain custody altogether.

Bat-shit crazy. I know that I much prefer his true feelings coming out over fake friendship. According to his wife, he really hates me. Tried to warn her against being my friend.

I think he's always hated me because I've always called him out with truth. I was right when I reached out to him last time... and I was right when I reached out to try to get his support in helping me to help Kalob go into the military. I told him I had a bad feeling about the paperwork involved and asked him to meet me at the recruiting station. He refused. Said Kalob was eighteen and a man, able to take care of himself.

When we were going through our custody battles, I always hit him with truth he didn't like, I think. He just wasn't very smart.

Anyway. I'm so glad that over the years I have developed the mindset to have my illness an open book. To share openly. Last night was proof that there are good people in this world, and there are people who would use it against me. It's not been in my head.

On another note, I reached out to John about a second date last night and I think it's going to happen soon. There isn't any rush. I'll maybe explain more about what happened with our second date last weekend soon.

Oh I also had a conversation with a photographer, Rick? About getting headshots in exchange dor a little marketing work. More later. He reached out to me and, I could use photos for my book.

Meds/vitamins. Have to pick one med up first thing this morning, ran out. Been too busy! Coffee. Dogs.. News. Need to design an ad and plan a workday.

Have an amazing day!

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