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  • Writer's pictureMiMi

JD, Behavior, a Baby Shower

Updated: Sep 22, 2023

So it was a successful but long day on the road. In the incredible weather with my sunroof open on the way home I started getting the feeling I don't want to be there. I want to sit outside and listen to music somewhere while I wait until it's time to play pool. I play across town tonight so I'll get the ride out of the way.

I changed and headed out.

I sit now... thinking this is a place I might also run into him. If I had a motorcycle and finished up work on a day like today I'd take a ride and end up here. What would I say? What if he's not alone?

Remember... woman... all of the things he did and did not do. All of the ways he showed he did not care about you. Think.

I have less than an hour before time to play pool just 5 min away and I'm tired. I didn't have enough time to nap at home, or did I? Can I even anymore? I really don't think I could have gotten comfortable knowing I had to make the drive. I'm glad I don't have to make this drive every week. Though the typical distance still isn't that great.

What if I messaged him hello? What would he say?

On another subject, this morning I thought really hard about what I was told on Sunday, about my behavior that was so bad last year.

My friend didn't invite me to do his birthday last year, at Busch Gardens, and it hurt. Because he made a comment it had something to do with my health.

Well this Sunday he told me one thing, he heard that I was practically having sex with someone in a bar, not in those words. And the someone is a person of poor character (his opinion). I was really enbarrassed, but, not so much anymore.

This morning I really took the time to dissect the time when I wasn't well and there is much I remember. Specifically, I remember kissing the man, and him getting too hand-sy. I told him he was acting like all he cared about was sex and I was trying to get to know him. He called me rude. Said I was treating him like a piece of doo doo (different word). We got in an argument and I left. I left our first date crying.

Later he apologized and we talked. Went out a couple more times but then my illness kicked in and really took over and he ghosted me.

Still, I was extremely embarrassed, almost to the point of mortification the other day. I'd have gotten there probably if Chris and I weren't out together. He made it a point to point out that obviously I wasn't that bad because he couldn't really remember more AND he DID ask me this year [to BGardens]. I felt better.

But I wasn't sure that in the other dates I didn't act poorly in public. And I couldn't remember no matter how I tried.

So this morning I realized a couple of things.

One, in the couple more dates I had with the man, I wasn't making out with him in public. I remember trying to keep up with and be respected by a very fast man. We were intimate privately, publicly we were just spending a little bit of time together. I remember for sure now. Specifically because he's not even the type to sit still in a public venue. We met to see bands and walked the rooms. Literally, he liked to walk the rooms and say hello to everyone he knew, like a politician. I know in my heart that what Chris heard about was the evening of the argument, when I was pushing paws off of me.

Two, since it was a joke that I may be damaged, I realized.... so was he. My friend knows well a woman that was sleeping with 3 different men, that I knew of, 2 that were new, in ONE WEEK, in the same year. He has no right to judge me in any way shape or form. Like I didn't know about the behavior of the man I was with, he must not know about her.

Huh. This revelation this morning was liberating. I was just a single woman. If I considered the possible sources, whomever shared info with Chris, they were just people who saw me making out with a man I really liked

Now, can't say that I would have done that in public if I weren't starting a manic episode, but I could have done much worse!

I feel so much better. And I'm going to tease Chris when I see him again.

There's no better feeling than feeling like I said/did something, worried about it, then realizing I'm just human. And did something human.

We're not going to talk about the probably source of his information. She's a piece and not worth our time.

On another random note about today's activities... I finally got creative and sat down and designed the invitations for Gabby's baby shower. We already have blank cards for those who aren't on Facebook from the Blue Willow Tea Room but I really wanted to design something nice and unique to put inside them. Done! Sent to Walgreens for printing and I'll pick them up tomorrow. One last thing, a poem, to come. I'm still having trouble believing we're having a baby! The shower is Oct 22... right around the corner!

What else can I say? I love to write and have enjoyed this post.

I wonder if I should just give in and text JD. The OTHER Chris, the one who wants to date, is supposed to take me for a ride tomorrow nighy. Maybe I'll wait and see if that happens. This girl can only be blown off so many times by the same man. And he ignored messages Monday. He did tell me he's really busy. Ugh.

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