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  • Writer's pictureMiMi

Pride Following Negative Thoughts

I'm a little proud of myself for working through negative feelings toward my son's father and step-mother. Yesterday, I learned that she was trying to solicit help from my ex-husband in checking on me 5-6 months ago.. again.

It stirred up terrible feelings that I've been sitting on since my conversation with my kids Sunday night.

All of the painful years that they controlled our lives. All of the hurt. And for what?

In my home, he would have learned how to manage his emotions, had role models in sports coaches, built stronger peer friendships, and had so much less stress. My poor child.

In their home he learned how to bottle things up. This is his story today. He watched his father allow his step-mother to walk all over him, with unfair discipline and unkind manners. He spent most of his time under punishment. He was treated differently than his siblings. And he's speaking up now about it.

I struggled for a couple hours yesterday not to send a text to them, telling them how I feel about everything that has been going on.

It IS my business to a degree, to continue fighting for my son's life and health, as long as he is mine. I don't care if he is a man at 24 now, if there is something I can do or say to help I should do it. That, is the question. Would I really be able to help. Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Anyway, I'm proud I fought the urge to get involved yesterday, though I know the day of my outreach may still come.

Does his father deserve my help? That is a question. Does his step-mother deserve an ear-full? Absolutely. But it doesn't have to be now.

I just keep thinking of the irony, to be telling a teenager he'll become a stronger man if he stayed in their home. The home where it was ok to put a 5-year-old on a speakerphone with his mother while yelling and screaming at her, calling her a liar. The home where a child's head was smashed against a hallway wall because he was dragging his feet. Makes me sick.

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